The first time I heard about doms, the concept really appealed to me. At the time, I didn’t feel in control of my life and my relationships. I wanted to feel more empowered and to be the one running the show. I instantly felt attracted to this practice and reached out to a well-known dom who teaches workshops in my area. And that’s how it all started…
Have you ever thought of becoming a dom yourself?
Let me guide you through it, whether you’re a man, a woman or a non-binary person.
Learn to Understand Domination
Of course, people have all kinds of reasons for occasionally or regularly wanting to experience a dominant/submissive relationship (dom/sub). I’d strongly advise you to read as much as you can about domination psychology. You’ll find plenty of content online, on blogs and online magazines.
Be All In
You can’t half-dominate. You have to be all in and dominate, both with the way you speak and with your body language. Remember you’re the one in charge! Your body language and your speech have to be powerful and assertive. Dress with confidence, stand tall and be above your sub, like you own them. Literally: make them be below you by making them sit or kneel. Don’t ask them questions, tell them what to do. You’re here to be adored and respected!
Remember there’s two of you
In a sexual relationship that includes a dom and a sub, both partners need to receive pleasure and satisfaction. As a dom, that means you’re responsible for your partner’s well-being and pleasure. Agree beforehand and make sure you understand what your sub is here for. Know their boundaries (and respect them), their kinks, their fantasies… and establish a safe word in case your explorations go too far and your partner begins to feel uncomfortable. If your sub pronounces the safe word, stop immediately what you’re doing and find out if you need to move the session in a different direction or stop altogether.
A good dom has good tools
So many good tools and toys are now available to help you fulfill all your desires as well as your partner’s. First, think about what outfit or costume will correspond to your partner’s fantasy. It can be a major turn on! Then, get your tools ready. Here’s a few ideas for you: spanking paddles, riding crops, nipple clamps, blindfolds, vibrators, wedge pillows… Visit a good online or physical sexshop and explore what tickles your fancy. Make sure you try them on yourself: you need to know what sensations they’ll provide to your partner. You don’t want to accidently hurt them by going too strong. Oh that actually leads me to my final advice.
I know I said “be all in”, but hear me out. Be all in and assertive, be a dom! But don’t scare your sub away. They might need a bit of time to feel like they can trust you and ease into the experience. So always start slow, don’t use your most intimidating sex toys right away. You’ll have plenty of time to turn the volume up later.
Alright, I hope you’ll make good use of these 5 pieces of advice. You’ll quickly see that, if you feel like you have what it takes to become a dom, following these steps will get you started. Have fun out there! And as always, please come back here to tell me all about it. I love hearing from your adventures.